Fighting an Eclipse
by Team Edwarder
Summary: Edward is still gone and hates life. Bella too feels this way but is torn and is considering being with Jake. They both must overcome their demons and decide what is most important. It will get really romantic and sexy! Please R&R!
1. Misery

**Disclaimer: **Don't own the characters…the great Stephenie Meyer does

**Note: **Its not my first but I gave up on the other cause I just wasn't having fun with it anymore. I really liked the idea of this one and it got me all excited. It's all in Edward POV for now but I might switch it up a bit later. Hope you like it and please do REVIEW! :D

I couldn't tell how long it had been now…three months…four maybe. I knew it would be excruciatingly hard but I had no idea I would feel so incomplete. I couldn't breathe and when I would try it only reminded me of what I no longer could smell. The most luscious beautiful perfume in the world. In all my life I had never come across something so sweet and yet appealing to me as my beautiful Bella. Only she was not mine anymore, I could never again see the red of her blush or feel the warmth of her hand in mine. A normal person, or vampire in my case, might assume that someone in the kind of agony I am in would do something to change it…to make it better, but not me. I did this to myself.

I always have known that she would be better without me in her life but I never thought that I could actually do it. She is the reason for my being, the reason I go on, the face I see when I close my eyes, me everything. But I am the one who took it all away. I did this to myself.

From the first day I came into contact with her I knew she had forever changed me. Of course I thought it was just that I was stronger since I was able to resist her and not take her life right where she stood. In actuality, however, she changed me in a way I could never imagine. She made me complete. I never again would be the same because I now knew what is was to love with everything you have inside and be loved in return. But once again I took it all away.

"God! How could I be so stupid!" I roared aloud even though there was no one around to hear. Because that's what I was now…alone. Although I loved my family and I knew that my being absent all the time hurt them I could not do anything but wallow in my own self pity. So I would not be around them. I would not have them be any part of I was going through because I loved them enough to keep myself away. I couldn't imagine any one wanting to be around me while I was like this.

I did really miss them though. I missed the sweet giggle of my pixie like sister Alice, the fun and games me and my bear like brother Emmet would get into, the talks I would have with Jasper and the way he could always calm me when I was over stressed, Roselie…well I knew there had to be something I missed about her so I decided on the way she was always the first to be completely honest with me. And most of all I missed my parents. I did not even want to think about what this was doing to my loving mother Esme…I knew I was putting her through so much. And Carlisle…the one I could go to for anything. I knew no matter what he would always be there for me, standing by my side through thick and thin.

So was it right for me to shut them out the way I was doing? I could think of no other way beside it. No matter how much I loved them and they loved me they would never be able to pull me out of what I was going through. Only She could. Would it be forever then? Would we never again be the happy family we once were because I could not get through this.

It had to be! The whole that ripped through me and left shredded edges to never again be repaired left me this way. I yearned for her too strongly for me to ever be a part of anything ever again that did not include her.

I was not certain of how much longer I would be able to stand of this. I knew I at least had to wait sixty maybe seventy years for her to die. Bella…my sweet, amazinglybeautiful Bella buried in the ground for the parasites to get. "NO!" I could not think of such an atrocity. But I did take comfort in knowing that I would be off this earth as shortly as possible afterwards. Like I had told her once, I did not plan on continue to exist without her around to make everything better with her very essence.

I could not stand it any longer. I just needed to see and make sure she was happy. I had to see her one last time. I hoped so strongly that she did believe my words as I left her. She seemed to have. I thought it would take much more effort for her to believe. How could she ever truly believe that I did not want her. "Absolutely ludicrous!" It was the most horrifyingly disgusting lie I ever had or ever could tell.

"Maybe if I just check up on her." I knew I had gone crazy when I started talking to myself. "That wouldn't be so bad right? She would never even know I was there." I was slowly slipping into insanity and I needed something to pull me back before it was too late. I convinced myself that checking up on her wouldn't be bad at all. I had promised her that it would be like we never existed and it would stay that way because she would not see me.

It was the most fairest thing I could do because I would hate it if she could see me but I could not see her. But I had made Bella a promise and I was going to stick to it even if it killed me because she was all that mattered. My sorrow meant nothing if it meant that Bella could live a happy safe life free of all the monsters I bring along with me.

I wondered if she really could be happy. Even though that is what I wanted most, her to move on and find someone who could give her everything I couldn't, a small selfish part of me hoped she would be as miserable as I was. Because I knew that if that was the case then I would beg her to come back to me. This was completely for her benefit and if she wasn't benefiting at all then what was the point in keeping this up?

And with that final thought I had my phone to my ear.


	2. Decisions

**Disclaimer: **Stephanie Meyer would be the mastermind who created the people…not me

**Note: **Okay so I changed my mind pretty fast about it only being in EPOV once I realized that I love the romance parts so much because of what he does and says to her. I like to see it through her eyes considering I'm a girl and all. So anyways, this is Bella living her life without the love of her existence and trying to cope with it and decide if she should move on already.

"Thank you for taking me home Jake and I'm really sorry about Harry." That's all I could think to say about the man who had just past away that meant so much to the Quiluete tribe after almost giving myself to him in the truck. I was glad that I had not made that decision yet because I was still not sure if I was ready.

"Sure, sure. Just make sure that Charlie is okay. I know he must be taking this really hard. And I'm sorry that we didn't get to go cliff diving like had promised you. Things have just been pretty crazy with Victoria running around and now this." I could see the exhaustion in my best friends eyes. I wanted to comfort him too because even though he was trying to be strong I knew that he was going through a lot trying to protect me from everything.

" Don't worry about it Jake. That's not what's important right now. You should go home and be with Billy for now. "

"No it's fine. I'll stay with you until Charlie gets home. I don't want to leave you alone with _her_ running around out there."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Charlie will be home soon enough and Billy really needs you right now." In reality I was terrified to be alone but I also _needed_ to be by myself. I needed to figure things out and Jake couldn't be around while I was trying to do that.

" Bells come on. Please don't do this right now. It's no time for your stubbornness. I'm not leaving you unprotected and that's final." I knew he wasn't going to give in. I was about to forfeit but then the sound of the cruiser saved me.

"See…no need to stay. Charlie is already home. You really need to not worry so much about me and worry more about what your tribe is going through. Victoria will still be there when all of this is done." I couldn't completely hold back my cringe when I said her name but I had to try and show Jacob that I wasn't really as scared as I was so he would leave me to think.

"And you need to stop pretending to be so brave. I love you Bella but I know a little coward when I see one." He smiled my favorite smile and I couldn't contain the giggle inside me. He always knew how to make me feel better. He was my sun that made the darkness go away.

"I'm not pretending." I tried my best to lie. "I'll be fine. I'm so tired I bet I'll even sleep dreamless tonight." Yeah right, like that would happen with so much on my mind. In fact I knew I would probably get very little.

" You're a horrible liar. I know your terrified but I love you for trying to make me feel better with your attempts at slyness." He pulled me in for a hug. I couldn't think. The closeness was making me uncomfortable but only because I was completely comfortable in his arms. I felt safe there and I knew I could for the rest of my life if I let it happen. Charlie came walking through the door just then before anything else could be said. I walked straight to him and gave him a hug.

"I'm so sorry dad." That was all I needed to say with Charlie. With those words he knew that I was there for him.

"Yeah me to. Harry was a great man." I wanted to cry at the sight of my dad looking so distraught but I knew that wouldn't help anything.

"Oh…hey Jake. How you holding up?"

"I'm fine thanks. I was just about to head home and check on my dad. I don't think he's doing so good."

"That's probably the best idea. Well I'm going to bed. I'll see you two tomorrow."

"Night dad." Me and Jacob had spent so much time together in the past few months that my dad knew that we would be together the next day.

"Alright now you go home and get some sleep. You look beat."

"Okay but you have to promise me that you'll call me as soon as you wake up."

"I promise." He was staring at me when I looked up in a way that made me uncomfortable. His eyes were telling all that he wanted in me and I was still not ready to face it. Was I really ready to give up on Him. Everything in my body told me no when I thought about it. But was I really prepared to live my life like this. Jacob would eventually give up on me and then what would I have. I couldn't loose him too. I didn't think I could make it through another heart break.

He kept staring at me and I was staring back. He tilted his head down to kiss me and I went on fire. Part of that fire was scorching mad longing for the touch of another and the other part screamed for the heat of his soft lips against mine. I couldn't decide what to do. Should I stop it now. No I didn't want to but I couldn't let it continue until I was certain that it was what I wanted.

"Jake please…" The intensity dropped from his eyes and in its place was sadness. I hated doing this to him but I knew it would be worse if I gave myself to him just to take it back. Instead he settle for a kiss on my forehead.

"I'll see you later Bella. Be safe." And with that he was gone. I could still feel the heat on my head where his lips pressed. It felt so amazing yet horrifying at the same time. I was so utterly torn.

Once in the safety of my room there was no holding back. The sobs ripped from my chest and I had to calm them before I woke Charlie. What was I going to do. I still had a gaping hole in my chest that would never ever heal from my last relationship. I still couldn't think about it.

What was the use though. I should be thinking about Him. He's the reason why it was so hard for me to let go. His eyes, smile, smell, voice. Everything so perfect and sweet. I would never find another and I could never love another the way I loved him. It wasn't fair for me to be with Jacob when I could only partially love him. A little piece of me was all I had to offer because me whole being already belonged to another and always would.

It was too much to think about. My chest was throbbing so much that I couldn't anyways. Why not take advantage. I curled into a ball as I left the word slip out of my mouth that sent my heart into a frenzy. "Edward…" and with that I was done.

_I couldn't remember how I had gotten myself into this situation. I must have tripped on something and fallen over the cliff. I know it was not intentional and that I was not trying to hurt myself. So why then did I have the urge for it all to end as I fell to the ground. _

_I realized that I wasn't whole. It was only part of me that was falling. How can this be, I thought to myself. _

_All of a sudden I was standing at the edge of the cliff again only I was watching myself fall. I yelled and yelled for someone to catch me but there was no one there I was not ready for this part to die. Even though it hurt me I wanted it to stay. It had to stay cause I could not live without._

_Just then I saw a bright light from below. I knew at once who it was. _

"_Edward! Edward! Catch her please! She'd falling. You have to save her!" There were tears coming down my face but she was happy. She was falling to her death but she was overcome with joy. I couldn't understand it until he caught her. _

_They looked happier then any two people I had ever seen. I was mad with jealousy as he bent down and kissed her lips and walked off with her into the sun. I knew then I would never see them again._

I woke up screaming.


	3. Family

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer would be the amazing one who dreamed up theses character…not me.

**Note: **Ok so I'm not getting any reviews L but that's ok cause I'm gonna keep writing cause I still like it. Anyways, Edward called his family and is now home with them and is discussing going to check on Bella with them. I know its still kinda dramatic and depressing but I promise it will get better. These things take time.

"Edward!" Alice came darting at me as soon as I walked through the door. I could tell she had been sitting bouncing up and down with anticipation waiting for my arrival, knowing when it would be. I had called her but she would have known regardless.

"Hello Alice."

"Oh Edward! We have missed you so much. I'm so glad you decided to come home." She basically shrieked the words at me.

"Don't worry it will all work out. In the end Edward everything will be fine." She whispered so no one else could hear. I wished so bad that I could believe her but on this matter it was her faith talking and not her visions. She did not know what would happen because Bella had no idea what was going on so she had not made any decisions about me.

"Hey man! Its about damn time you came to visit the fam."

"Hi Emmet." Emmet couldn't control himself and he let me have a few playful punches in the arm. I could tell he was hoping for an all out brawl but I was in no mood and he understood.

_Welcome home brother. _Jasper thought and tilted his head to me. He still understood how I felt along with the urgency that came with my visit.

I looked up and saw Rose. She too only gave me a tilt of the head but not for the same courtesies. She was upset with me for leaving and thought it selfish for me to break up the family over "some simple human girl." I could have ringed her neck but I did not have the time or the energy.

"Edward." Esme embraced me in such a loving hug I thought I might breakdown. Only for the briefest moment though cause I knew I would keep up my strong façade no matter what. I still hated to do this to her most. She loved me more then anyone, besides Carlisle, and I was hurting her. I wished I could say that I would make it up to her someday but that was a lie. I would remain forever miserable unless by some miracle Bella was unhappy and still wanted me.

"Hi Esme, I have missed you. I have missed all of you so much." I looked at each one of my family members. The last one being Carlisle. He had the warmest smile on his face. I didn't even have to read his mind to feel all the acceptance and understanding coming from him.

"We all understand why you are here and why you have come to talk. Alice saw you coming and I speak for all of us when I say that we are here for you no matter what and will stand beside with whatever decision you make." You'd think he was the mind reader. But it was just him. He always knew what I was thinking because he knew me so well.

"Thank you…everyone. I know that I haven't been around lately but I'm sure you all understand what I'm going through. And I hope that Alice has also explained to you that this means nothing. I am not moving back in. I will not force what I am going through on any of you." I tried my hardest to keep myself together. It was so much harder trying to be strong when I could hear all there encouraging thoughts. And to be near them as well was difficult when all they could think about was how sorry the were for me.

Although they tried to block their mournful thoughts for the brother and sister that they had lost they could not completely. I knew that they would do what I asked and not see her but it hurt them all the same. They missed her more then I had imagined they would and it made it that much harder,

They all kept their eyes down and said nothing. There really was nothing that needed to be said. I knew that they did not feel like I was a burden to have around but they were to me. To constantly her them feeling sorry for me was too much. They too would always think of her. And that I couldn't bare most of all.

"Edward we understand if you want us to stay behind but there are a few of us who would like to check on her ourselves. We weren't sure if you intended on her knowing of your presence. Alice could not tell us since you have not made up your mind. But we do understand so don't feel pressured in the least."

"I'm sorry but this is something I have to do by myself. If things work out…" I had to stop myself. What was I saying? Nothing would happen because she was human and was most likely happy right now. Once again the selfish part of me hoped that she could find happiness on her own and not in the arms of another. I cringed at the thought. I continued.

"I don't want her to know I am coming. If we all go then it would be too obvious. I'll be in and out with no looking back. This will be the final…" Again it was too much to put into words.

They all understood that I could not talk of the matter anymore. I had come and said my hellos and that was all I could give them. I was useless now. Utterly broken. I had nothing to offer anyone or anything.

"I hope you all know how much each one of you means to me. I'm so sorry to have ever put anyone one of you in any turmoil." As I looked around I saw the tormented expression on each one of there faces. Each thought was telling me that I was loved and to stay. That it would all get better eventually if I became a part of them again and let them help. I knew nothing would change though. This was who I was now and forever would be. I loved them far too much to put this on them as well.

"I'm sorry but I must be on my way. I…I just. I need to be alone. I wish it could have be longer but…"

"We know man. Do what you have to do. Just come home eventually. You still owe me that wrestling match. You cheated last time." I tried my hardest to smile for my brothers sake but I could not. The last time I had smiled and truly meant it was on Her birthday. The last time I felt any kind of joy.

"Farewell my loved ones. May we meet again soon." I turned my back to them and was gone as fast as I could. I had to get away from all the noise. The cries. And so I ran as fast as I could to the only place that meant anything. The whole world could come crumbling down as along as this place was safe. Because in it is was the most precious beautiful thing imaginable.

I was determined to get to Forks be nightfall.


End file.
